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Podcast episode 23: how talking can strengthen mental health with Sarah Bal
In this new episode of WOW Health Talks, an inspiring podcast series by Generation WOW in collaboration with Insentials, we welcome clinical psychologist Sarah Bal. We discuss the importance of communication between young people and parents, mental health, and how we can listen to each other more effectively.
About Sarah Bal
Sarah Bal is a clinical psychologist and author of the book "Wat als we er samen over praten?" Her focus is on guiding young people and their parents through difficult times. She has a strong passion for her work and believes in the power of open conversations to address challenges and restore connection.
Sarah works with adolescents from secondary school age to young adults around 25 years old. Her practice primarily focuses on helping young people who are already experiencing difficulties, often referred by doctors, schools, or parents. While she doesn't work preventively in a direct sense, her book and podcast discussions can be used as preventive tools.
The biopsychosocial model
Sarah explains that mental health issues rarely have a single cause. She works according to the biopsychosocial model, which means that psychological difficulties result from a combination of biological, psychological, and social factors:
- Biological factors: genetic predisposition to certain mental health issues.
- Psychological factors: personal experiences, thoughts, and emotions.
- Social factors: circumstances such as home environment, school, or friendships.
Since these factors interact, it's essential not to focus solely on the individual but also on the context in which they grow up. That’s why Sarah always involves parents in therapy.
Why is communication so difficult?
One of the reasons why communication isn’t always easy is simply that people are not taught how to do it. Sarah emphasizes that speaking and listening are skills that need to be developed from an early age.
"Learning to communicate well starts when a child is still in the womb. Parents can already talk to their baby, and that sense of connection continues to grow."
In practice, Sarah observes that many parents only seek help when communication has completely broken down. However, it's essential to actively learn from a young age how to express emotions and needs in a constructive way. These are crucial skills that we must teach each other. And the only way to learn them is by practicing, Sarah stresses.
The balance between letting go and protecting
Parents want to protect their children, but at the same time, young people need the opportunity to become independent. This process starts at a young age. Sarah recommends setting clear agreements and allowing young people to experiment in a controlled way, without overprotecting them.
Focus on what's going well
Barbara asks Sarah whether therapy focuses only on challenges or also on positive aspects. Sarah explains that it’s essential to start from a person’s strengths. That’s why she always asks about positive aspects, such as hobbies, friendships, and successes.
This approach helps use strengths as a foundation for tackling difficulties. She emphasizes that no one should be reduced to their problems. Everyone has unique qualities that can serve as a lever to overcome challenges.
The importance of receiving complements
Sarah notes that many people struggle with receiving compliments. In therapy, she uses exercises to help train this skill. One effective method is to highlight specific qualities when giving a compliment rather than making a general remark.
For example, instead of saying "Well done," you could say, "I admire how you keep going, even when something is difficult."
Recognizing strengths not only supports self-esteem but also helps build resilience.
Self-care and connection: more than just me-time
The concept of self-care has become incredibly popular in recent years. We are inundated with tips on how to take time for ourselves; taking a warm bath, getting a massage, or enjoying a quiet moment. While these things are certainly valuable, Sarah Bal believes an essential element is missing from the way we talk about self-care today.
Self-care is often presented as an individual process, while, as humans, we actually thrive in connection. In the past, people grew up more within a community: neighbors, aunts, uncles, and friends played a bigger role in raising and supporting one another. Today, the focus is more on the individual and the idea that we must buy or create everything ourselves. “We are expected to figure it all out alone,” says Sarah. But true mental peace and well-being don’t come from being alone. They come from being together.
People who are struggling don’t always ask for help. The key lies in taking action: showing up at someone’s door with a meal, spontaneously inviting them to an activity, or simply being present. These forms of caring for each other are just as important as the care we give ourselves.
The taboo around mental health in young people
Although mental health is becoming a more common topic of discussion, there is still a lingering taboo. Many young people are hesitant to talk openly about their feelings, fearing they will be seen as weak or that something is wrong with them.
Sarah observes that young people are often deeply invested in each other’s well-being. They want to take care of their friends and show understanding for each other’s struggles. However, admitting their own difficulties remains a challenge.
Social media amplifies this issue. Online, everyone appears happy, successful, and confident. This makes it even harder for young people to acknowledge when they are struggling.
How to talk to young people who don't want to talk?
Not all young people are open about their feelings. Some completely shut down and refuse to talk, making it difficult for parents to know how to handle the situation.
Sarah emphasizes the importance of continuing to offer the opportunity to talk, without pushing. A common mistake parents make is immediately trying to fill in the blanks for their child:
- “You’re so quiet, is something wrong at school?”
- “Did you have a fight with a friend?”
- “Are things not going well with your partner?”
Listing possible problems right away can feel suffocating for young people. Instead, it’s better to check in calmly without putting pressure on them. Small gestures, like leaving a thoughtful note or simply letting them know you’re there, can also help.
If a parent is genuinely worried, a more direct approach can be effective:
- “I’ve noticed some changes, and I’m really concerned. Can we sit down and talk?”
This approach creates a safe space where the young person feels that talking is an option, not an obligation.
The performance-driven society
Today, young people experience immense pressure to perform, both at school and in their social lives. Parents want their children to do well and develop themselves, but often, they unknowingly add extra pressure with their expectations and ambitions.
Sarah emphasizes that this pressure does not only come from external sources but also from within. Young people feel they must succeed in all areas: achieving good grades, excelling in sports, maintaining a busy social life, pursuing hobbies, and being active on social media. This constant need to stay on leaves little room for simply being.
Parents also feel this pressure. They want to be good parents and often experience guilt when something goes wrong with their child. "When things go wrong with children, parents are often blamed too," says Sarah. "We live in a society where parents are criticized: the mother works too much, the parents are not home enough, or they are too involved with their child." This creates a constant tension where parents feel responsible for every step their child takes.
Digital tools like Smartschool play a significant role in this. Parents often see their child's school results before the child does. While this can increase parental involvement, it can also create constant pressure. "Grades aren't the only thing that matters. A child's social, emotional, and motor development is just as important," Sarah emphasizes. Young people need to experiment, make mistakes, and learn, but in a world where performance and results take center stage, this is becoming less acceptable.
Sarah often asks parents: "When was the last time you had a pajama day together? When did you last bake pancakes together? When was the last time you had a day where nothing was required?" Many families are so focused on productivity and achieving goals that they forget how important it is to simply spend time together without needing a result.
To reduce performance pressure, Sarah recommends doing more relaxing activities together, without competition or expectations. "It’s not about who draws the best picture but about the joy of drawing together. It’s not about who performs best but about experiencing things together."
This realization is not only important for young people but also for parents. They should invest not only in their child's development but also in their own well-being and their relationship with their partner. "Parents should not lose themselves in parenthood," says Sarah. "A weekend away without children, a dinner out together are not selfish acts but essential for maintaining a strong foundation."
By putting performance pressure into perspective and making space for relaxation, families can find a healthier balance. It’s not just about success or failure, but about growing together.
Practical tips for emotional overwhelm
Finally, Barbara asks for practical tips for people who feel emotionally overwhelmed. Sarah emphasizes the importance of recognizing what works for you to regain a sense of calm. Everyone has their own way of coping with stress and difficult emotions.
Here are some concrete tips that can help:
- Do something that makes you feel good. Find an activity that brings you comfort or joy.
- Talk about it. This may seem obvious, but for many, it can be difficult. Find someone you feel safe with. It doesn’t always have to be a psychologist. It can be a friend, colleague, family member, or teacher. Even a casual conversation about everyday things can help you get out of your head.
- Avoid unhealthy coping mechanisms. Try to stay away from habits like excessive drinking.
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